Holidays Without the Weight Gain?

WARNING: Long, AWESOME post.

So, I did something kinda awesome. I finished the WHOLE ENTIRE P90X3 program.

Yeah. That's 90 days of hard core workouts. Nailed it. Well, sorta.

I didn't follow the nutrition plan as strictly as I probably should have, cuz you know, there was cake occasionally, or pumpkin waffles...*drool*

Anyways, that's where my Shakeology comes in, like a superhero I might add. See, this stuff is like magic. It reduces my sweet tooth cravings (which are heavy duty), gives me all the nutrients I SHOULD be getting from vegetables,  and keeps me full for about 3 hours (thus preventing unnecessary snacking, like me driving to Einstein's multiple times a day). And it tastes FANTASTIC. *score*

And now for the results: I can do twice as many pull-ups as I could when I first started, I can curl 20# dumbbells (for a little while), and I can do lots of funky push-ups. I feel pretty cool. AND I maintained my weight the whole 90 days, through anniversary celebrations, birthdays, family get-togethers, and kids leaving their pop tarts lying around the house. Winning.

SO WHAT? I'll tell you: Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are gonna crash down on us all WITHIN the next 90 days. What's your plan? Would you maybe like a safety net so you don't gain an extra 15-20 lbs? You COULD even lose weight through the holidays...just sayin.

I've got a support group for other sweet tooth mommas like me that starts October 19th. Wanna know more? Just comment and I'll give you all the info, cuz we're friends, and I like you!

-Brooke

Love

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I've found my life calling.

And it's been one of those journeys where I knew the destination beforehand, but it has taken me SOOOO LONG to see the scope and the HOW.

Backstory:  I always knew that, when it came down to it, I just wanted to stay home and be a mom. And I hate to say "just" like that, but what I mean is "that's all I wanted."  I wanted to stay home and focus my energy on building my family and making it the best that I could.  Which is hard stuff, 7 years, 7 months, and 3 weeks into it.  And it will be hard LOOOONNNNNG after this, as well.

Back to the present:  I work at a gym daycare, which I've mentioned before.  I've been there for 2 years, 7 months, and 2 weeks.  And I have worked at 5 different locations throughout Utah and Salt Lake County.  Thassss lossa kiddos.  Wanna know what I have loved best about this job?  It isn't that I get a free gym pass, or that Brandon gets a free gym pass, or even that my shifts are at MOST 5 hours.

What I love best is the kids.

That also, incidentally, is the hardest part of the job.  But that's not what I'm focusing on. These children have taught me so much about love, and trust, and well-children.  And that's beyond the degree in Behavioral Science and Family Studies.  I have learned to love, and hug, and trust, and smile, and wipe away tears, and be that constant for them.  I love when new families come in, and they have a scared child that doesn't want Mom or Dad to leave.  I get to step in and be the constant for them while the parent is away.  And I build trust with them.  And they hold my hand while we walk to find a toy that they will like, or go get a picture to color.  And by the end of the 90 minutes, I've made a new, true friend. I feel like, in these moments, I get a glimpse of how the Savior loves and sees them.

For most of my adult life, this approach has not translated to other adults. :-/  I kinda figured, "They're old enough to make their own choices and deal with whatever happens. They can suck it up and take it just like everybody else."

And then I started coaching.  Initially, I saw a great opportunity to supplement our income and even take over so that Brandon could go back to school or focus on getting his dream job.  I still see that, but at first that was all I was focused on.  Me.  It's amazing that I've even been able to convince people to let me be their coach.  Don't get me wrong, I had every intention of being an honest coach, with integrity and determination to help others, and have done my best to do that.  But my heart wasn't all the way in it.  I was focused on the money.

And now, 1 year later, almost exactly, I am FINALLY starting to get it right.  It has taken me AN ENTIRE YEAR to get my brain and my focus in the right place, to change my heart and shift my focus, so that what I am offering comes from a place of love.

The workouts, the Shakeology, the challenge groups, the entire format WORKS.  It worked before I started coaching and it will work after I'm dead and gone.  But what has changed and made the difference in my success has been me.  I've gone through the refiner's fire, and survived.  My challengers have stayed with me and had such PHENOMENAL success, and now they are as dear to me as the children I work with everyday.  I honestly, truly, love them, and am invested in their success.

And THAT was the epiphany.  My calling in life is to LOVE OTHERS.  And coaching is a way for me to expand and share that love with everyone.

****Life changing moment complete****

Confessions

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This is gonna be a bunch of word vomit and such, so...you've been warned.

I have dreams.  Dreams that I can just ALMOST touch.  They light a fire in me, and I feel a drive to do everything I can to reach them.

That looks pretty low key, emotionless and lame when I type it out.  But it's true.  And here's the other truth: I feel like I've been given an entire shop's worth of tools to get there, and I don't know how to use the hammer.

I have been frustrated.  I found something that changed my life.  I love it, and I AM NOT going back to a life without it.  Logically, I would want to share that with the people I love, with my friends, with anyone that I think it would help. Right?

But there's another problem.  I'm afraid.  I get myself all hyped up to do awesome things, to work hard to reach my goals, to get my energy on the same level as the things I desire, and then I freeze. "Nobody wants to hear this from me.  If I bring up the subject that I have something that could help someone, that person will hate me.  Ugh, I'm so annoying, I should just leave them alone."

I'm doing all the leg work, and getting all my ducks in a row.  All the details are perfect, but I'm just spinning my wheels.

Has that happened to anyone else?  What did you do to move past it?

I've been listening to a book, "You Are A Badass," by Jen Sincero.  FANTASTIC advice, but she's got a bit of a potty mouth (now you know).  But the point of this book is that every single person has the potential to not only be AMAZE-BALLS, but we each have the power to manifest, create, or attract the life we want.  Sounds like a fairy tale, right?  But even BEYOND that, she says that we each have the RESPONSIBILITY to reach our potential, so that we can bless the world, the charities we support, every person we meet--whomever, with our talents and awesomeness.

And I like that.  I want that.  And she's not just spitting in the wind.  She's speaking truth.  Even if you don't believe in God, or the power of "The Universe," fate, or destiny, I know that when I surround myself with uplifting and inspiring people and media, I can FEEL that I have elevated myself, and I put out way more good karma, or energy, or whatever you want to call it.

I'm a religious person, and growing up the basic equation was "do good things"--> "get blessings".  And that's still true, but now I'm way more intentional about it.  I have a specific life that I want, and a way that I know that I can be of service to others.  And that is what I visualize.  Why shouldn't I approach Heavenly Father and say, "This is what I want; this is how I can serve you.  May I please have this?"

There's a concept in this scripture that I like: "And as surely as Christ liveth he spake these words unto our fathers, saying: Whatsoever thing ye shall ask the Father in my name, which is good, in faith believing that ye shall receive, behold, it shall be done unto you." Moroni 7:26.  If I have a righteous desire, and I have faith that God will give it to me, He will.

That's powerful stuff.

So back to my issues.  I suppose the underlying problem here is that my fear is bigger than my faith.  And that's something I'm working on.  But I want to say to my friends and family that I've approached, I am sorry if I come off as awkward and sales-y.  That is not my intention AT ALL.  If you say no, that doesn't hurt my feelings :-)  I just want to share something that has blessed my life with you; even if I'm awkward and nerdy and painful to watch while I do that.  I love you ;-)

The 5 Stages of Grief

I like puzzles.  I suppose that one of the things that make me nerdy :-)  Brandon has learned over the last month that I will sit down and literally spend hours putting together lego sets and puzzles without the kids.  :-)  I can actually feel my brain getting exercised.  It's awesome.  And yes, these are {C}'s puzzles and NOT mine.

I thought I found a new puzzle to work out yesterday...not sure it's one I can figure out, though.  If you've read my past posts, you might remember that at my yearly check-up last March my cholesterol came back pretty high.  So, since I've started drinking Shakeology daily and being more conscious of what I eat, I was expecting my cholesterol numbers to look much better at my last check-up, which happened Friday.

They called me with my results yesterday.  My bad cholesterol is way high, but my good cholesterol is right where it should be.  Their solution: "We want to start you on a diet and exercise regimen."  My response: "Um, I'm ALREADY ON ONE."  The nurse didn't believe me when I told her I exercise intensively 6 days a week.  Or that I don't eat at Chuck-A-Rama every weekend.  Ok, maybe the Chuck-A-Rama part didn't specifically come up, but I said that I only occasionally eat fried foods and stuff with creamy sauces.  Yes, I eat them, but NOT REGULARLY.  She countered: "Well, cut back on the fried food.  Come back in 4-6 months so we can monitor it."  And that was it.

DENIAL AND ANGER: My initial reaction to that call was: "What the $%^#@#%$%$%!!!!! I've lost almost 30 POUNDS!!!! I have a superfood meal replacement shake EVERY DAY!!! How can my cholesterol be the same as a 50 year old, morbidly obese man!?"  

BARGAINING:  For a little bit there, I thought--"Maybe I just need to be better with my eating.  Maybe if for the next 4-6 months I don't indulge in the high cholesterol food, it will go down.  Maybe I can fix this if I'm super good."

DEPRESSION:  The bargaining phase didn't last long, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to pull that off.  I'm still building my self-discipline and will power.  No way I can make it that long without ANY indulgences.  How depressing.  I thought that what I've accomplished the last 5 months would have done something; and it did NOTHING.  At least cholesterol-wise.  Luckily for me, though, Brandon came home, and when I told him he just laughed :-)  And that put it in perspective.  I haven't had a hard life, really.  At all.  And this high cholesterol hasn't bothered me so far.  If I hadn't gone to the doctor, I wouldn't even have suspected it.

ACCEPTANCE:  So, after talking with Brandon, we decided that it might not be something I can control.  Maybe it's genetic--even though I wasn't aware of it.  So, I called my previous doctor today and had them pull my results from last March to compare.  The nurse was very patient with me and sensitive to my concerns.  Turns out my results are pretty much the same as last time.  No change.  Cero.  I told her everything I was doing, and she agreed with Brandon and I that maybe it was just genetic, but to keep going back in to monitor it.  I may eventually need medication to keep it in check, but somehow that conversation made me feel better.  It made me feel better that maybe it wasn't my fault.  Maybe this was a new card I got dealt in life, and I would just have to find a way to work with it.  

CONCLUSION:  Yeah, this isn't ideal.  But I'm on a good path doing what I can do to keep myself healthy.  And I'm so thankful that I have doctors and nurses to help me work through problems that I can't fix on my own :-)  It's all about perspective, and now that I've taken a day to think about it, I'm able to put it in the right place.  Still driven, and still in control of the things I can change.

Just talk

Hey there :-)

I really don't want this to get old with me just posting pictures of me working out and pretending to be all cool.  Maybe it already has.

I'm not sure how you all perceive me through your computers and mobile devices, but I hope that as I learn and grow that I will be able to share myself with you and help you get to know me for me.  And don't be shy, if you feel so inclined, leave comments :-)  I want to get to know you, too!  Let's be friends.

So...I don't have pictures today.  Just words.  And this one starts the story:  why.  Why am I doing this, this blog, pursuing physical improvement, sharing it with people I don't know.  Why?

In the beginning (of my life) I was born to two wonderful people that I love.  I was their first child, and only child for a while.  My beautiful siblings didn't show up until I was 7, 9, and 11 years old.  My parents had only me for a long time, and I was the object of their affections and sole object of their parenting strategies for those formative years :-)  I benefited a lot from that much attention.  I started ballet and soccer when I was 4, and participated in those for the following 9-10 years.  I remember being taught to read at a young age and my first piano lessons (which weren't very successful in the beginning.)  I was blessed with so many opportunities to try my skills in various areas and to stretch myself.  I am grateful for the opportunities and experiences I had growing up.  Along with those experiences and opportunities, there came expectations.  I did well in school, and the expectation was that I would, most definitely, go to college (and finish), and I would be responsible for the cost.  So, the motivation was to excel in school and qualify for scholarships.  I learned to work hard.  I maintain 9 years after the fact that my senior year in high school was harder than any of my years in college.  I was taking 4 AP classes, working part-time, and taking night classes at UVSC (UVU) for one semester.  It paid off :-)

I felt like I was constantly working for my parents' approval.  Nothing was every quite enough.  I love my dad, so SO much, but he isn't the most tactful person :-)  I remember one day, after I'd come home from volleyball practice my sophomore year, he said, "You know, your poor fiance.  You're gonna go off to college, and bring someone home for Thanksgiving break to meet us, and he'll see your mom and think that that's how you'll look when you're her age."  To clarify, we had just moved to Arizona that year, and I had put on probably 10-15 lbs.  I was a little "fuller", but for 5'7", I didn't feel it was "bad."  My mom, on the other hand, is 5'9" and has stayed at the same 135 lbs for as long as I've known her, aside from pregnancy.  This was my dad's nice way of telling me to be careful about my figure.  But I still remember it 11 years later. I was still not quite good enough.

But, putting my past in the past, I moved on after high school and met Brandon.  There just aren't enough words to describe what he has done for my self esteem.  Even through two pregnancies, he made me feel beautiful.  I love that man. So, so much.  But just because our spouse says they love us just the way we are, doesn't completely change the way we see ourselves when we look in the mirror.

And this is where my "why" kicks in.  I found a way to feel better about myself.  Not just because I lost weight and looked better.  Because I found a way to gain control over myself.  I found out that I could be strong, that I could pick myself up and do things.  That I could CHANGE my attitude; I didn't need to wait for some circumstance to come along and make me feel better.  I am in control of me, of what I can do and what I can accomplish.  I can create opportunities for myself to grow and succeed.  And that is SUCH an EMPOWERING feeling.  I want to share that with everyone!  I don't need other peoples' approval to feel good about myself; I can look at myself in the mirror and see all that I've done and be proud of it, knowing that I did my best, and that is good enough.

I have learned to love myself. And I think there are others out there who are starving to learn to love themselves.  And I want to help :-)

Happy New Year! Here are the T25 Results!

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Hey Friends!  I took a little vacation for Christmas and New Years...I hope you don't mind.  Did lots of fun stuff, like sleep in, play with friends and family, eat good food and enjoy the spirit of the season.  I hope you all did stuff like that too :-)

I got a new toy for my birthday last month, and for Christmas I got some sticky vinyl to use in it, so I made some stuff for our home.

But the big news is that I had a couple of KILLER catch-up days, and completed my goal of finishing T25 before the New Year.  Done :-)

Are you ready for the pictures?

And here's the "total transformation journey", whatever you want to call it.

To be perfectly honest, by the end of T25 I had stayed pretty much the same since 21 Day Fix.  Maybe lost a little tone, but my measurements were all about the same.  And since I really did eat whatever I wanted over Christmas Break, I'm definitely counting this as a win.

But now that's over, and I've started Insanity Max 30, WHICH I am loving.  No joke.  I'm done being injured and doing modifiers (except for my wrist, but I'm making it work harder) and it is kicking my butt.  AND I LIKE IT.

4 days into it and I'm already making progress. :-D

So.  What are your New Years Resolutions?