I like puzzles. I suppose that one of the things that make me nerdy :-) Brandon has learned over the last month that I will sit down and literally spend hours putting together lego sets and puzzles without the kids. :-) I can actually feel my brain getting exercised. It's awesome. And yes, these are {C}'s puzzles and NOT mine.
I thought I found a new puzzle to work out yesterday...not sure it's one I can figure out, though. If you've read my past posts, you might remember that at my yearly check-up last March my cholesterol came back pretty high. So, since I've started drinking Shakeology daily and being more conscious of what I eat, I was expecting my cholesterol numbers to look much better at my last check-up, which happened Friday.
They called me with my results yesterday. My bad cholesterol is way high, but my good cholesterol is right where it should be. Their solution: "We want to start you on a diet and exercise regimen." My response: "Um, I'm ALREADY ON ONE." The nurse didn't believe me when I told her I exercise intensively 6 days a week. Or that I don't eat at Chuck-A-Rama every weekend. Ok, maybe the Chuck-A-Rama part didn't specifically come up, but I said that I only occasionally eat fried foods and stuff with creamy sauces. Yes, I eat them, but NOT REGULARLY. She countered: "Well, cut back on the fried food. Come back in 4-6 months so we can monitor it." And that was it.
DENIAL AND ANGER: My initial reaction to that call was: "What the $%^#@#%$%$%!!!!! I've lost almost 30 POUNDS!!!! I have a superfood meal replacement shake EVERY DAY!!! How can my cholesterol be the same as a 50 year old, morbidly obese man!?"
BARGAINING: For a little bit there, I thought--"Maybe I just need to be better with my eating. Maybe if for the next 4-6 months I don't indulge in the high cholesterol food, it will go down. Maybe I can fix this if I'm super good."
DEPRESSION: The bargaining phase didn't last long, because I knew that I wouldn't be able to pull that off. I'm still building my self-discipline and will power. No way I can make it that long without ANY indulgences. How depressing. I thought that what I've accomplished the last 5 months would have done something; and it did NOTHING. At least cholesterol-wise. Luckily for me, though, Brandon came home, and when I told him he just laughed :-) And that put it in perspective. I haven't had a hard life, really. At all. And this high cholesterol hasn't bothered me so far. If I hadn't gone to the doctor, I wouldn't even have suspected it.
ACCEPTANCE: So, after talking with Brandon, we decided that it might not be something I can control. Maybe it's genetic--even though I wasn't aware of it. So, I called my previous doctor today and had them pull my results from last March to compare. The nurse was very patient with me and sensitive to my concerns. Turns out my results are pretty much the same as last time. No change. Cero. I told her everything I was doing, and she agreed with Brandon and I that maybe it was just genetic, but to keep going back in to monitor it. I may eventually need medication to keep it in check, but somehow that conversation made me feel better. It made me feel better that maybe it wasn't my fault. Maybe this was a new card I got dealt in life, and I would just have to find a way to work with it.
CONCLUSION: Yeah, this isn't ideal. But I'm on a good path doing what I can do to keep myself healthy. And I'm so thankful that I have doctors and nurses to help me work through problems that I can't fix on my own :-) It's all about perspective, and now that I've taken a day to think about it, I'm able to put it in the right place. Still driven, and still in control of the things I can change.
